Batman Porno Story: Whos Using Who – Chapter 7

Authors
Note:
My Dad told me to call this The Chapter That Didnt Write
Itself cause it took me so long to finish.

—

The
Penguin entered his new room at the Iceberg Lounge loosening his
bowtie and throwing it over the back of the leather office chair. He
saw his birds on several wooden perches along with cages hung from
the ceiling, seemingly mocking the penguins on the ground by flapping
their wings with pride. Little Finch quickly flew onto Penguins
shoulder and chipped happily.

You
never like to leave me alone, do you? Oswald muttered to the bird.

Chip.

Ozzy
sighed and brushed the bird off his shoulder. He hopped onto his bed,
much more comfy then the hammock, laid down on the small mount on
black and silver pillows and finally got a good look of the room. He
grabbed a remote on the table next to him and pressed Power. The
Plasma giant screen TV turned on. Now to figure out which button did
what.

Lets
see… Cable… Satellite… DVD Power… Door Open? Oswald pushed
it and the door to his room opened. Ooh, fancy! Door Close.
Penguin pushed that too and the door slammed shut. I thought these
only existed in cartoons. He said to himself. What else we
got?

Finch
landed on the table, twitting. What? Penguin asked. A squawk
caught Finchs attention and he flapped his way to the safety of
his trainers stomach. Penguin sat up and looked to see a penguin
seemingly trying to climb up the steep side of the bed. Ozzy picked
the bird up under its flippers and sat it in front of him on the
bed. What cha lookin for? He asked.

The
penguin waddled closer and stared at him a little before giving a
gentle coo and brushing against him. You like me or just think Im
going to feed you? Ozzy asked pushing the bird away just a bit.
The penguin quickly came back to him and continued nuzzling its
beak against his stomach. Ozzy sighed in annoyance but leaned forward
and rubbed the animals head gently. Well, at least youre
handsome. He admitted.

—

The
door closed, and The Pack in the over sized living room looked up to
see Scarlet walking in. Zeke was the first to get up and ran over to
her. So, how are we getting rid of him? Cause I was thinking–

Scarlet
let up her hand to cut him off Thats a lie. You never think.

Clue
us in, Boss. Hounder said. We all want to know how we get to
off the bird freak.

And
who exactly said were killing Ozzy? Scarlet asked as she sat on
the arm of the couch. Because I sure as hell never said anything
about killing him. she put a hand of her hip as the men because
silent. In fact, if Im still Alpha around here, The Penguins
going to become a permanent member.

But,
Zeke stuttered But hes probably never even had combat
training!

He
knows martial arts. You know, Kung Fu and… probably other stuff…

I
dont know, Aunt Scar. Bart sighed I dont trust a guy
without a neck to stick out for others.

Scar
thought for a minute Son of a bitch. I didnt even notice that!
The nose kinda steals the show… Those arguments aside, Ozzy still
stays. She picked up the remote and turned her attention to the
plasma screen as she flipped through the channels Tomorrow, we
finalize out battle plans, so get some sleep, everyone. Instead of
leaving, the men muttered in disappointment that Penguin was not
going to be killed. Scar sensed the doubt in them NOW!
she yelled. They all quickly ran out of the room to their bedrooms.

—

The
next morning, Penguin was almost startled by finding himself still in
the luxurious room. He was nearly convinced he had be dreaming, after
all hes seen the night before, how could he not be dreaming?

He
got out of bed, sitting on the edge and immediately Finch landed on
his shoulder. Penguin groaned loudly. Its too early for this!

Aw,
but youd miss out on all the fun.

Penguin
put on his monocle to see Scarlet in the door way, dressed in a black
leather jacket, black tank top and tight dark green jeans. To confirm
that yesterday did indeed happen, he could see the cut on her face
even from a distance. He looked at the clock that read 10:48 AM.

How
long have you been here? He asked, getting to his feet.

Do
I look like Im Big Ben? Scar asked with a smile and a shrug
Come on, we gotta get home and get to work on our war plans with
the others.

Penguin
walked over to the large full body mirror and said I work when I
want, Scarlet. Do not
forget that. He warned as he started combing his hair. You may
have organized this crazy plan, but you said yourself you cant do
this without me. So, I
move as fast as I want.

Maybe
I should let the guys eat him. Scarlet muttered.

What?

Nothing.

I
thought about something last night. Oswald started What do you
get out of this whole… caper of ours? He started to take off his
shirt to change but saw the woman was still looking at him Do you
mind?

No.
Go ahead…. She replied idly.

Go!
Penguin pointed to the door. The woman simply turned around. He
groaned but started to get dress in his tuxedo.

What
do I get? Hopefully, a challenge. She answered. Liven up my
life, ya know? Have some fun.

Me,
Id rather settle down for a while. Ozzy admitted as he pulled
up his pants. I am up to here
with
police and Arkham and all that shit. I need to start a family.

What
for? I thought you were a loner.

What
goods getting my family fortune back if I cant pass it down to
my kids?

She
nodded Good point. But, please, lets not talk about kids so
early in the relationship.

Penguin
laughed and slipped into his black jacket What makes you think you
can get me? How do you know whether or not I just like looking at
something pretty until I find the One.

Well,
I dont
know. But then again… She walked next to him as he turned back
to the mirror. If I wasnt the One, you wouldnt be here
wasting your time, would you? She leaned down and kissed him on
the cheek before slipping outside the room.

Penguin
put on his black overcoat and Finch promptly landed on his shoulder,
chipping in Penguins ear. I know, shes starting to freak me
out, too. He shrugged

—

When
Penguin was dressed and outside the front of the Iceberg Lounge,
Scarlet was leaning against a black and gold Lamborghini, the sleek
car shining in the sunlight of the afternoon. Nice ride. He
said, noting he could see actually see himself in the reflection of
the well-waxed hood.

You
like? She asked casually.

Oh,
yeah.

You
should see my other six. She muttered with a smirk Here. She
tossed the key to Ozzy and opened the passenger door. You drive.
If ya like it, you can have it.

Youre
just gonna give me a car? Penguin asked, a little suspicious.

If
you dont want it, Scarlet smiled before holding out her hand
give it back..

Oswald
held the keys tightly in his hand No. He quickly got it the
drivers seat and started the car.

I
knew youd want it. She said sitting in the passenger seat and
closing the door. Hey, before you start, put your leg up on the
dashboard. She said before searching through her belt pockets.

Huh?
Penguin looked at the woman. What for?

The
Tracker…? She answer.

Oh,
good. Penguin put his leg on the dashboard and rolled up his black
and silver striped pants. The damn things itching like crazy!
When he got his pant leg out of the way, he started scratching at the
electronic transmitted strapped around his leg. Scarlet pulled a
small screwdriver out of a pocket and groaned.

Dont
scratch it! She pulled his hand away It only makes it itch
more..

Then,
get
this thing off
me!
He yelled.

Alright,
alright… Scarlet started fiddling with the device. After a
minute or two, the small box containing the transmitter came off the
band and she put it on the dashboard.

What
about the band? Penguin asked tugging on it to see if he could get
it off himself.

Scarlet
put the tool back into one of her utility belts. The Transmitters
all you need to worry about…

Penguin
glared at her, making her flash him an innocent smile. He rolled his
eye, clearly hed ave to take care of that later and started up the
car. To the Mansion, Jeeves. She said, barely holding back her
laughter.

Excuse
me?!

Im
kidding! She laughed Im sorry, Oz. I cant help myself.

Penguin
growled but started to drive. Last thing he wanted was ruin the most
profitable relationship hed even be in BEFORE
he got paid. Youll drive someone crazy acting like that.
Penguin told her

Acting
like how?

Like
you own the place when you dont. He answered bluntly You act
like you can run everything and everyone.

Like
you? She laughed

I
am a Cobblepot! The man squawked, pounding a fist against the
steering wheel Its my birthright!
Not yours, and thats gotta stop if this relationships gonna
work out.

Uh,
Phone call for Mr. Cobblepot, its the 21th century on Line One
asking what its like living in the 19th century.

Ozzy
leaned back into the leather seat and groaned. I got out of bed
for this? he muttered to himself. Scarlet started chuckling
quietly. What!?

Nothing.
She smiled widely. Its just… nothin.

What?
He demanded. Tell me or I swear to God, I crash this car into a
tree on purpose!

You
can swear to God, Jesus, Buddha or SpongeBobs undersea pineapple,
you wouldnt crash your new car. No, I was just thinking youre
really cute when you get mad.

Wha…?
You dont say… Honestly, no one unrelated to him ever called
him cute before. He had every right to still be a tad suspicious.

Yeah,
your nice suit, great hair, adorable baby round face… She smiled
as she pinched Penguins round cheek gently.

You
dont mean that. Penguin retorted, brushing her hand away before
rubbing at the slight pain in his face.

I
dont lie. She stated. I always either exaggerate or only
tell the parts of the truth that work to my benefit.

Shouldve
be a politician. Penguin laughed.

Nah,
Im too smart for that…

—

Alfred
Pennyworth stood straight during his decent into the catacombs under
Gotham City. The elevator beeped as the doors slid open to reveal The
Batcave. At the computers screen was his employer, dress in his
usual clothes: the cape and cowl of The Batman.

Alfred
placed the tray nearby Bruce Wayne Your breakfast, sir.

Bruce
looked away from the screen to see a generous helping of Scramble egg
with bits of bacon in them, a glass of orange juice, and two slices
of buttered toast. Thanks, Alfred. He scooped some of the eggs
on top of a piece of toast with his fork and took a bite.

Youre
dressed so early, Master Bruce. Alfred noted. Or have you
simply not gotten undressed since yesterday?

Still
tracking Penguin. Bruce answered.

And?

Other
then sleeping in a restaurant and driving only 5 miles above the
speed limit, nothing. Bruce took a drink of the juice and
continued. I still cant figure out why someone would pay
Penguins way out of Arkham for him. The only living relative he
has is his mother, Isabella Cobblepot, but she doesnt have the
kind of money to foot his lawyers bill.

Alfred
looked at the screen to Penguins mug shot and a map of Gotham with
a red dot to show where Penguins court ordered tracking ankle
bracelet was. Well, Oswald Cobblepot certainly has a face only a
mother could love, wouldnt you say, Master Bruce?

Bruce
kind of chuckled at the remark. Yeah, one could say that. He
quickly became serious again. Still, rumor has it hes been seen
with Scarlet Stersmat.

The
restauranteur? Alfred asked. Bruce nodded. What could a woman
like her possibly want with that diminutive, repulsive bird of a
man?

Calm
down, Alfred. I dont either. But looking at her police record, she
not as High-Class as her money makes her look. Check this out. He
typed up something of the keyboard and Scarlet Stersmats file came
on screen. Twelve counts of Drug possession, nine of those charges
were paired with Attempt to Sell, four violated Paroles, all in the
last 5 years. The only reason shes on the streets is shes made
bail on every charge.

At
least you deal with your problems less Self-Destructively. Alfred
muttered. Bruce gave the butler a soft glare. I beg your pardon,
sir. Alfred apologized

Its
ok, Alfred. Bruce said But all drug tests on her always come
back negative. Shes just a drug seller.

After
hearing all that, I wouldnt be surprised if most of her money came
from such illegal activities. Still, wouldnt Cobblepot fancy
himself too high-class to be seen with the likes of a drug dealer?

Bruce
thought for a moment Not if she pays for his freedom.

But,
why, sir? Alfred asked Cobblepot doesnt have much of
anything to offer the woman.

Bruce
sat in silence. Scarlet had more of everything then Penguin. Penguin
had little money (And probably wasnt willing to share it) no
connections to anyone of power. Statistically speaking, the only
thing he had more of was years in his age. 28 compared to Scarlets
23. Age and experience in Gotham.

He
does
have something to offer her. Bruce finally said to Alfred. The
Know-How of Gothams inner working and enough experience with The
Batman to successfully work under the radar. Perfect for a drug
dealers needs. And hes only useful to her outside of Arkham as
a free man.

—

Hours
later, the sun was setting, casting a blood red hue on the clouds
that contrasted sharply with the deep blue sky of the coming night.
Sitting across the street from the bridge to Arkham Island was a
black and gold Lamborghini. Window rolled down, Penguin drummed his
fingers outside the car on the metal body as he looked at the dismal
building across the street, eventually groaning.

I
hate that place even more when I can see it. He muttered to his
cohort.

Bart
sighed loudly Oh, geez… He shook his head in disapproval.
Penguin couldnt believe it. The brat thought he was a coward.

Penguin
scoffed Im not scared, ok? he stated firmly. Bart rolled his
eyes before turning a page on his magazine. Im not!

Mmm-hmm.

Penguin
growled and said I just dont know why I have to be here, thats
all.

You
and I are the only ones small enough to sneak passed security and
shut it off.

Penguin
leaned into his seat and stared at the roof in boredom. Yeah…
Yeah…

Lioness
to Pup, do you read me? Over.
Bart reached in his pants pocket and pulled out the walkie-talkie.

Whend
you get that? Penguin asked

Lioness,
this is Pup. Bart answered Go ahead.

Do
you and Penguin understand your mission?

This
is starting to sound like a James Bond movie. Penguin laughed to
himself.

Bart
looked at Penguin You know what ta do, Tweety?

Penguin
snatched the radio from the boy. Scarlet, I can do this myself.
Why even bother with the Smartass Pyromaniac? He asked the woman
on the receiving end.

Bart
grabbed the radio out of Penguin Why even bother with Mr.
SpongeBeak StripedPant here?

WHAT?!
Penguin squawked, grabbing his knife Umbrella from the backseat.
That coming Little Boy Ghetto thinking he looks so-o-o-o
hardcore in his black hoody and spiky hair!

Guys!
The radio yelled Knock
it off!

My
father got me this hoody! Bart yelled Oh, wait, He laughed,
suddenly calming down You would know anything about the Fathers,
would you?

THATTEARS
IT!
Penguin yelled, flipping the knife blade out. Bart laughed as he
hopped out of the car, Penguin following him with a snarl. Get
back here! He hopped on the hood of the car and jump off it to
catch up to the boy.

Cant
catch me! The teen laughed. Both were running down the street
crosswalk towards Arkham Asylum until Bart stopped suddenly and
turned around to face Penguin. Man, I forgot the two-way. WHOA!
Bart ran to the left to dodge the knife blade.

Ill
kill
you, boy! You
hear me?!
Penguin yelled. He twisted the bird-shaped handle on the umbrella to
unlock it and release the saw blade on its head. Im through
taking all your shit!

You
are
crazy…Bart muttered. Penguin hurled the saw blade at the boy who
hit the ground and rolled over on his back. Penguin jumped in the air
and aimed the blade at the boys chest as he fell. Bart kicked
Penguin squarely in the chest and sent him flying a few feet away,
separating the man from his weapon. Bart quickly stood up and grabbed
the umbrella.

Penguin
shook off the ache and started to get up until a blade was placed
against his neck. Bart was barring his teeth and slammed his shoe on
Penguins chest to pin him on the street cement. Give me one
good reason why I shouldnt rip you apart. He growled, his red
eyes narrowing.

Penguin
gulped and said Uh, I… Because Im, uh… Oh! Im one of
you! Im part of the Pride.

You
mean The Pack.

Yeah,
that! You kill me and everyones gonna hate you. Scarlet
especially.

That
reasons not good enough! He pulled the blade above his head to
strike. Penguin flinched and the blade was driven into the cement
next to his head. Penguin opened his eyes and glanced at the blade
before looking at Bart. A good reason would have been Because
you are good fighter. Bart let the umbrella go and pulled
Penguin to his feet. You jump a lot higher than I thought you
could jump. Youre fast too. Youre good.

Penguin
pulled his weapon out of the concrete as Bart walked passed him back
towards the car. Thats it? All I had to do to get respect was
the fight? I cant believe it! If someone told me that, I wouldve
tried to kill you sooner.

—

Ok…
Yes…. Yeah. Dr. Bagley leaned back in the office chair and
sighed to himself before talking into his phone Dont worry. Im
coming home right after work, ok? Ok… Ill get milk… Ok…
Ok… I love you too, Mom. He hung up the phone and rubbed his
head.

Tap.
Tap. Tap.

Bagley
straightened and looked around. What was that? Hello?

Tap.
Tap. Tap.

It
came from the window. He got out of his chair and turned to the
window. Peached on the window sill, a small grey finch chirped before
tapping the glass with his tiny beak. Bagley opened the window and
said Looking for some food, little guy? the bird chirped before
a noise caught Bagleys attention. The whirling of helicopter
blades. He looked into the sky trying to find it.

Suddenly,
Bagley was tackled against his desk as the whirling came closer.
Penguin jumped into the room and shut off his helicopter-umbrellas
blades. Bart jumped off the Penguins back and ran to block off the
only exit.

Ok,
Doc. Penguin ordered In the closet and dont try anything!
Bagley looked between The Penguin and Bart and, once he saw they
covered all exit and that he was out-manned, put his hands up and
went into the closet as ordered. Penguin slammed the closet door and
locked it.

Bart
pulled out the Walkie-Talkie and said into it Pup to Lioness,
Were in.